great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
