It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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