and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
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