I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
