Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
