Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
