my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
