cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
