so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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