So drunk, too bad you don't want this
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
