just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
