Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize