I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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