I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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