Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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