I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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