haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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