I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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