I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Randomize