david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
