I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
