Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
