On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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