Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
