Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
