wrigley field is MILF paradise
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize