try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I need to calm my uterus...
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Randomize
