maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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