Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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