matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
