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I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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