I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
