her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
what day is it and did you see me today?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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