I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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