'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
