You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
