I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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