I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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