He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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