Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
