i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
