He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
