I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
You are the jesus of drinking
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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