WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
