just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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