awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
he thought i was a dude.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
