we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
