Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
You smell like stripper and shame
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize
