We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
