The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
