I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
