home. puking in laundry basket.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize