i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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