don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
