I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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