I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
she looked like the before picture.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
