I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
im six kinds of drunk right now
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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