It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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