Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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