someone threw a dead crab at me
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Randomize
