Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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