I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Randomize
