Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Randomize