yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
