Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize